- I wish I had prepared myself financially. I knew he was checking out. I knew he was being unfaithful – regular one night stands. But he kept denying the proof that I had (I was 90% positive but did not have the conviction to force the issue). He took my name off his company that he started when the kids were in middle school. He made up some lame excuse that he wanted to start profit sharing with his employees so I needed to not be listed. Obviously, I knew this was a lie, but even at this point (19 years of marriage), I didn’t have the confidence to force the issue. I knew when we were filing income tax that he was being dishonest, as our net income was nearly 100k a year less than what our return showed (because he spent so much money from the company on himself and that money never made it into our home). For the last 3 years of our marriage, I did start pushing this, but he was already so comfortable dismissing my concerns, it did not faze him in the least. I wish I forced a resolution on the income tax returns and refused to remove my name from the company. But since the writing was already on the wall, I wish I had protected myself financially earlier on.
- I wish I had a life insurance policy separate from my ex-husband’s ventures during our marriage. His company was the beneficiary on our life insurance policies and I continued to pay those premiums for the first year after he left. When I tried to change the beneficiary, they told me the company owned the policy so I couldn’t make those changes. So I bought a new policy listing my children as beneficiaries, but since I only purchased this in my 40’s, the premium is quite a bit higher.
- I wish I had stood up for myself when it was obvious I was being used and disrespected. When he decided to pull the plug, he asked me to go for supper with him after our daughter’s high school volleyball game. I was pleased that he was finally choosing to spend time with me as I had been begging for that for the entirety of our marriage. During the meal, he announced that he was leaving. He also announced that the youngest child in our family (conceived during one of his affairs and removed from the mother by CPS – I raised him from 2.5 years old – he was 15 years old at this point) would continue living with me along with our 4 other children. Then he told me he would be moving out in 6 months. For the next 6 months, I continued to do his laundry, make his meals, and keep the house and children’s schedules in order. I wish I had made him move out at that time.
- I wish I had taken my lawyer’s advice instead of making emotional decisions. When I saw a lawyer, he strongly encouraged me to request more child support and alimony as my income was barely $30k a year to his over $150k. I was still trying to protect a man that had never tried to protect me. I wish I had listened to the lawyer rather than still approaching this from an emotional perspective. My ex-husband is a salesman through and through and even in the face of financial dishonesty and rampant sexual infidelity, I still felt like I should trust him. He took his half of the equity on our small house and kept the entire company even though I had claim to half as a marital asset. I wish I had not let my emotions guide my financial decisions in the divorce.
After Divorce
From Broken to Beautiful – Building Your Best Life After Divorce
After Divorce 